It may not surprise you that number 1 is the healthiest way. Yet, what may surprise you is approximately 45% of humans do not do that! 45% use options 2 and 3 using learnt behaviours and defense mechanisms which result in internal distress, unhappiness, unfulfillment, stress and discontentment. What the world then sees is behaviours such as addiction (alcohol and eating disorders), trust issues, perfectionism, loss of self-esteem, lack of confidence, neediness, avoidance, unpleasant feelings (anger, resentment, anxiety, depressive mood, etc.) which all contribute to life struggles.

Yet these are all only symptoms created by an underlying cause of how you feel, and connect, with yourself. This then impacts on the quality of your life and how you feel about yourself and others.

The underlying cause is HOW you feel about yourself and the messages you give yourself, i.e. I am not worthy of more; I am bad; I deserve this; I will never be happy; I will be rejected if I am me; I am not enough; I need to be punished; life isn’t fair; I need to appease, etc. These are all learnt behaviours / adaptations used to stay in relationship at any cost to you to avoid rejection and/or abandonment. These behaviours mask pain and disconnection; they are learnt coping mechanisms. Ultimately it is these behaviours that can cause isolation, loneliness and disconnection within yourself, your relationships and with the world. The cycle is formed and then repeated, round and round and round.

Therapy is about changing the story you tell yourself, and how you interact with yourself, so you give yourself understanding, compassion and nurturing.

So, question time: –

Are you one of the 45%?

Is this pattern familiar?

Do you want to break your patterns and re-learn?

Do you want to change?

If so please contact me.