Kate Heavey - BACP Accredited Psychotherapist and Counsellor. Qualified in Individual, Couple, Marriage and Two's Counselling. Specialties - Relationships, Alcohol Addiction, Loss / Bereavement and Single-Session Therapy. Online Zoom, Skype and Telephone Therapy in the UK + Worldwide.
You are likely to find yourself here as something is not quite working in your life and you are contemplating changing it.
As humans we all experience discomfort in our lives and no-one is immune from the challenges and stress life brings. Yet, having worked with people all my working life, I noticed that some people have the skills to change and some do not; some lead a fulfilling life and some do not and what seems relatively easy to some seems to baffles others.
Along my journey, and through my training, I became aware of some of the differences in these groups.
It is not commonly known that the attachments we form in our early years create our attachment style for relationships in later life whether this be an attachment to a person, object or ideas. We experience attachment from the cradle to the grave.
These learnt attachment styles ‘fit’ a family of origin yet, longer term, and in other relationship settings, can cause internal and external conflict.
By learning the impact of your own attachment style, and how this pattern informs connections, you can form healthier connections with yourself and others.
Additionally, the past creates identity and shapes values and beliefs, i.e. what you think of yourself and others. Then when things don’t go to plan loss/ grief is experienced based on the story you tell yourself and the coping strategies, and defenses, you have learnt to utilise along lifes journey.
If you believe that something won’t happen, that is called a limiting belief as you are limiting your chances of success. This can create stuckness in achieving your goals and desires and can be self-sabotaging. Therefore, in order to experience different, limiting beliefs need to be shifted. This involves working through loss process(es) and reframing your beliefs so they work in a helpful way for you.
Counselling and psychotherapy is about us looking together at the skills you have. We wiill look at changes you could make to feel inner contentment, i.e.. what are you utilising well? what is standing in your way? A new lens enables your world to be viewed in a different way. This brings new possibilities and the shifting of your feelings and thoughts which opens your mindset (rather than 'mind set').
Ready to take action now? Get in touch
The 3 main reasons for relationship counselling are:
Please note I do not counsel clients looking to separate.
It may be that each of you, whether this is a marriage, partnership, friendship or a family connection, are in different places regarding wants, needs and desires and the symptoms of these differences can be: -
The reason you are seeking counselling is unique to you yet may include: -
The good thing is you are here as you are fed up of living as you are and you want to change.
To read more about Individual Counselling & Psychotherapy with me please visit my 'Individual Counselling' page.
My aim from the moment of your initial contact is to help you feel welcome and comfortable. My hope is that you will quickly discover that our client/therapist relationship is a relationship that can be replicated in life.
It will be a relationship where you are given the space, and time, to unpick life so you can find a healthier way of interacting and living within yourself, and with others. It is a relationship where my want is for you to feel heard and understood and where I will encourage you to engage in you, and draw on your own internal resources (of which you have many).
I will encourage you to be open, and to really communicate what is going on within you. I will honour your perspective, values, beliefs and life story (whether as an individual, couple or two). There will be no blame, shame, judgement or criticising which, in itself, can be empowering.
I offer a space for you to discover more options and choices (ones that may currently be hidden or you are blinded to); a space for you to become more knowing of yourself and how you interact with others and a space where we work together on your goals, hopes and dreams.
My hope and dream for you is that you leave therapy living your best possible life.
Remember, change happens by taking……
Most clients come into therapy in the mourning stage of loss. Together we work on your feelings and thoughts at a pace which is comfortable for you.
There can be an assumption that grief disappears. However what is true is that it is not grief that disappears, it is the intensity of the feelings that start to dissipate as you start to build a life around your grief. Grief is the outcome of the attachments and bonds you have formed. What grief / loss counselling offers is a way to process your loss so you find a way to continue your bonds without the intense pain.
In the mourning and grieving process, grief is integrated into your daily life as this picture demonstrates.
You can find more by visiting my 'Bereavement/Loss' page.
Alcohol misuse / addiction is a problem worldwide and studies during the pandemic saw huge increases in home drinking. Why? We are a more challenged, socially demanding, detached society than ever before and substances help to immediately change the way someone feels (although this is only momentary and does not solve any underlying issues).
Additionally, we are also in a society where everything is at our fingertips and we want instant gratification so we are always looking to change the way we feel, which alcohol helps with (temporary oblivion).
Whether this is due to relationship issues, trauma or isolation (in 2018 the Government even appointed a Minister of loneliness) many people turn to substances for comfort to fill voids to help manage the way they feel or simply to help with day to day living.
Learning about why you reach for substances, and what you can do instead, is part of the recovery process from alcohol misuse / addiction.
You can find more about how I counsel with alcohol addiction by visiting my 'Alcohol Addiction' page.
Why choose a Lifetime Relationship Practitioner?
As a relationship practitioner I am on your life journey as and when you need.
You will come to therapy as a stranger. We will get to know one other through our work together and you will leave therapy feeling known and seen. When out in the world you will live, experience and embrace your world.
What any Relationship Counselling Online client will tell you is that I do not believe ‘in therapy for life’. Actually quite the contrary; I believe in you coming to therapy, anchoring, learning what you need, and then drifting off again on your life adventure knowing that, if / when needed, you can come back to therapy and drop your anchor. Your initial anchoring in therapy may consist of weeks, months or longer and, if / when you come back, this could be for a session or 10 dependent on your own needs.
This promotes your own autonomy and learning ways to self-sooth.
Why choose me?
I have worked with people all my working life and client feedback informs me that I build rapport quickly and I am a personable person who can bring a sense of ease. This aids therapy as there is then a want to come rather than a dread / avoidance.
I aim to create a judgement free environment where you can process, and connect with, your own life story. I encourage you to speak your truth and to be able to say how you feel in the moment. We will discuss new ways of communicating so you are more at ease within yourself and within your relationships so you can trust in your abilities more.
I am a firm believer that you have all you need within you and by choosing me, you are also choosing you as, together, we bring change.
What I aim to do is represented in the Chinese symbol to listen: -
Jestful Precaution in Choosing Me
As a therapist, counsellor, and psychotherapist, I am in exactly the right vocation. I am an inquisitive soul (some call it ‘nosiness’!). I will have curiosity about your story and the impact of your past on you now. I will ask exploratory questions such as ‘why’? ‘what’? and ‘how’? and tentatively challenge you so you can uncover more about you. You will leave therapy with more knowledge of yourself.
If you want awaReness, Change and grOwth then I am the Relationship Counsellor Online for you.
I offer Zoom, Skype and telephone counselling from my home in Alfold, near Cranleigh on the Surrey / West Sussex border. Being based in the UK I provide online therapy for couples, twos and individuals in British time.
My current online work takes me around the world from my local village, to further afield in the UK extending to Europe and the rest of the world.
I am a recognised counsellor and psychotherapist with BUPA, Aviva, AXA and Vitality Health and, subject to approval, you can use your policy to pay for your sessions (up to the agreed number).
As an English speaking therapist I am often chosen as an expat counsellor as, having spent a year abroad, I have some awareness of the isolating issues of being in a community, and the dynamics that come with it! I bring comfort of ‘home when away’.
Cautionary note: I am registered and qualified in England yet any counselling work we do is subject to Laws in the country in which you reside at the time of therapy.
Note: I do not work with USA and Canada due to local state licensing laws.
**Update 29 November 2023**
Online / Telephone appointments: -
Tuesday - 3.30pm.
Please contact me if this weekly session time works for you.
Note: If you require face to face counselling at my Alfold Practice, please visit Harmonious Counselling to find out more.
Single-session therapy appointments can be booked on my separate page.
Alternatively, if you wish to be added to my waiting list, please email me advising of the days of the week and times you would be available for counselling.
When I Work
Monday 7.30am - 6pm (online and telephone)
Tuesday 8am - 6pm (face to face appointments)
Wednesday 7.30am - 7pm (face to face appointments)
Thursday 8am - 4.30pm (online and telephone)
I am a passionate about counselling and psychotherapy as I know it transforms lives.
If there is a weekly slot which suits, I offer the initial assessment complimentary for individuals so you can meet me and I can run through some of your background and we can discuss what brings you to counselling.
For couples and twos the initial session is £40 due to pre-assessment work (you would have completed your pre-assessment forms and returned them to me ahead of your initial session).
The assessment also gives you an opportunity to ask any questions you may have.
Kate, Counsellor, Psychotherapist and Relationship Practitioner, Relationship Counselling Online